Love
by magic-lou
Summary: All I wanted was to be loved. I embraced those around me most deserving, yet they all turned from me. Even those whose very nature it was to love me tried to escape the burden. It was something I never understood. Commodus's thoughts.
1. Love

Just a short piece of something I just couldn't get out of my head till I wrote it down and its a nice break from Harry Potter. I absolutly love the character of Commodus, I feel he is a deeply misunderstood character (Not that i agree with what he does) and think Joaquin Phoenix did a amazing job creating him.

Anyway I'm thinking of turning it into a full length story, depending on reviews and what not... so review if you want more : )

Love

All I wanted was to be loved. I embraced those around me most deserving, yet they all turned from me. Even those whose very nature it was to love me tried to escape the burden. It was something I never understood.

I preyed to find the answers as to why I repulsed those that I held dear. At first I believed it was my appearance; despite the compliments of how I had inherited my mothers striking looks. True I was healthier in the past. I had lost the rich glow to my skin but running the greatest empire drained the body as well as the spirit.

My eyes forever had the dark ring of sleepless nights no matter the concoction of sleep I took. Despite my increasing physical training of swords the lack of food gave me a gaunt form. Still I held my head high but as I grew older I began to understand that even the most grotesque of forms can still be loved.

Then why not me, was I truly that monstrous, more so?

I sat at the side window of my room on a velvet bench, the warm breeze from the open arch playing on my face. It was another hot day; you could almost taste the dust in the scorching air. I stared across at the city that belonged to me. Watching it shake before me slightly as the sun beat down. There lay Rome; it stretched out seemingly never ending. It looked to me for advice, leadership… life. It was my empire it obeyed only me, _I_ _was_ the protector of Rome no one else.

Then why did it strike such fear in my heart? Why did I fear what I deserved and longed for? I couldn't help but look away in disgust at myself.

What I felt wasn't fear; no, it was merely another emotion that wished to see me fail. I was not afraid. No, never. Not of Rome…

The sounds of footsteps reached my ears, soft on the marbled flooring. I would know those footsteps even if I were struck blind to never see the body they belonged to. Something I wished never to occur, for I could not live with out the image. The sounds pulled me from my ominous thoughts.

"Brother, I have been looking for you". Her voice was gentle, immediately calming however her voice was laced with tension. I could sense it in the very air. I would happily give up Rome itself to hear her voice full with love as it once was. The voice she used only for me filled of joy and delight.

What had changed? I loved her over all else. She had raised me, sheltered me from harm. Beaten away the fear my nightmares brought. We had loved each other I was sure, but now, who knew the thoughts that travelled around her mind. I admired her strength. I wondered if she knew I had learnt many of my traits from her. She was the most resourceful and astute woman I had ever met.

"Yes, what is it Lucilla?"

I watched the afternoon light play against her face, casting a faint glow. She appeared saint like in this light, with her effortless gold dress and jewellery. The thought made me smile, which created a look of apprehension in return.

"There is a matter I wish to discuss with you", she seemed to momentarily forget hr reason for seeing me. She stepped forward her eyes sharpening as she did so, contemplating what she wished to discuss with me giving her new confidence. Only one thing caused this effect. Lucius. I motioned for her to sit beside me, closer then needed but after all I was feeling brave today. I was Caesar. They feared me.

She took her time seating herself beside me; I could smell her perfume, a spice of some kind. This was something else I loved her for. The women I spent my life with smelt of sweet flowers, sickly to the taste. Lucilla however had a rich fusion of smells, ones that were intoxicating, rich flavours of natural scents which could shift suddenly into those that echoed danger to whoever was lucky to be close enough to breathe them in.

Once she was comfortable she turned to me, a look of tenderness and concern in her eyes. I waited for her to continue, curious and hooked upon her words. She looked away unable to hold me gaze.

"Are you sure about the games brother?" she asked for the tenth time that day. This wasn't what she wanted to discuss, she couldn't hide her intentions from me today.

"This is an old matter, the games are a tribute to father's death" I saw her eyes flicker, with an emotion I could not place at my firmness at the matter. It was one I felt the most secure of, "What would you have me do, stop them after I promised our people one hundred and fifty, how would they react when given half the amount? They would believe me to be a weak leader; merely full of broken decrees… besides it would be seen as disrespectful if I was to stop the tribute".

There was a long pause.

"I appreciate your concern of Lucius, but I'm not sure it wise to bring him to the coliseum at such a young age? I fear he will not understand…"

So that was her worry.

I smiled, her endearing devotion to her sons wellbeing always brought warmth to my heart. It reminded me of how she watched over me during his age. Jealousy stirred in my stomach.

"You worry yourself dear sister, Lucius is hardly a young boy now. The coliseum will make him strong; awaken him to the reality that is a significant part of Rome. If he is to be my successor he must learn how to control it"

Her eyes widened slightly at my words. Had I surprised her? I had surprised myself with my cool words. I couldn't be further from the truth; I felt my grip on Rome hung in the balance. "I will take him tomorrow, rumours have it they are recreating the battle of Carthage. It will help his history of our empire." She nodded, knowing I had reached a decision on the matter. This she knew was a decision even she could not waver.

"You will join us?" I asked, hoping she wouldn't decline my invitation something she had been doing recently. She looked out of the window appearing to be lost in thought. My heart hammered in my chest as I awaited her answer I preyed she would accept. During the entertainment I loved to watch her; I enjoyed her reactions changing with the action below. Her face calmed me, sat beside my throne, like Rome's regal Empress.

"Yes I will come" she replied, waking me from my thoughts.

My heart lifted in joy. However her smile did not reach her bright eyes. As she stood and bowed her head in respect, a thought creped into my mind, poisoning my elation... Was she going to watch over me, or Lucius? In my mind she chose me, in my heart she would always choose him.

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	2. Dreams

Hey Guys, thanks for the great reviews :) they gave me a nice warm fuzzy feeling inside. Sorry it took so long, I actually had half of this done forever ago but wasn't sure about the second half which you'll see when you read… if anyone's still interested lol

* * *

Dreams

I woke late into the night, my heart pounded painfully in my chest as I pulled back a scream of fear. My tunic clung to my back as I struggled from my twisted blanket in panic. I fell to the floor painfully after loosing balance. I angrily kicked the sheet that fell across my legs tauntingly. Panting, I swallowed hard and sighed heavily.

My dreams were returning, nightmares that destroyed the dreaming world. Only now they were stronger, more real; harder to awake from. Dreams full of fire and screams, chaos of a battle I was part of but never joined… of his face surrounded by blue light and blood; was it possible for one man to hold so much blood?

The darkness around me hung heavily in the air emphasising the silence. The lit candles that always resided next to my bed had been extinguished. Trembling I stood. Feeling blindly I left the security of my bed post and slowly moved to the bland outline of the outer door.

I promised myself from now on I would never hide the windows and openings with drapes again, at least on a clear night there was moonlight. Then I remembered the shadow of faces that waited there when darkness came; my reason for their placement. No, I would just need more candles.

I pushed open the doors and stepped out into the night. A near full moon hung in the sky lighting the city. Everything was bathed in a pale eerie light; it was strange how different it looked compared to the day. It was as if time had frozen, I was the only creature living in the empire.

I shivered as a slight breeze chilled the sweat on my brow and forced its way through my clothing. The city below vanished silently as a cloud covered the moon. I stood unmoving, my heart the only sound as I waited impatiently for the light to return. The darkness began filling my mind again, oozing dread and suspicion. Something large and black caught my eye at the far end of the balcony; like a head and torso, I flinched away.

Assassin!

Finally the moonlight appeared and the danger shifted into a pillar and bust. I hurried back into my room haunted by my paranoia. My trembling hands searched inside a draw for something to relight the candles, I raced against the moon and clouds praying the light wouldn't disappear again. It did thrice to my frustration before I finally had the candles relit. As the warm glow filled the room; hope and relief filled my heart.

I stared at the candle flame, watching it flicker in the breeze that entered from the open door. I looked away unable to hold my gaze, the flame turning into the fire that consumed. The fire of my dreams.

Slowly I made my way back to my bed, my head thick and my eyes heavy. With the aid of the light I could feel my fear draining into weariness. I shivered again realising the door was still open. Irritably I pulled myself up and shut it loudly before pulling the blankets onto the bed once more. Falling onto my back I closed my eyes; the image of death replaced by the darkness of my eyelids. My heart still fluttered in my chest painfully but very slowly it fell back into its usual pattern. I lay there listening to it for a moment.

Opening my eyes once more I stared at the bed hangings thinking of my behaviour. I hated it when I awoke in such terror knowing I couldn't control my actions. All that mattered was that I had to have light.

What if I somebody had seen me… or heard! My eyes widened and I jump from the bed to the door. Opening it slowly and as quite as possible I looked out into the corridor. Although difficult to see due to lack of light I could sense it was empty. I was glad I had no need for the Praetorian Guard outside my sleeping quarters just yet; unlike many past Caesars. Still they were positioned all around the grounds for my protection.

Closing the door I walked back towards the balcony. As I reached the door I remembered I had not seen anyone. Was I already that paranoid that people may see my weaknesses? I felt my resentment grow, I no longer felt tired.

They were only dreams. Everyone had them, after all even the strongest man could be turned into a child because of a dream. I remembered Lucilla telling me a story about a leader of a barbarian tribe who was considered a most courageous warrior but was driven insane because he feared to sleep. It was believed a Witch from a rival tribe had cursed his dreams showing him the revengeful acts of those he had killed in his life.

I shivered, but not because of the cold. I wish Lucilla was here now to read to me, her voice was always able to calm my thoughts. I stopped moving realising I had been pacing the room.

I wondered what she was doing now; probably sleeping, along with the rest of the city. I started pacing again. I wasn't sure what had caused me to become so unsettled.

I sat down in a rich chair slamming my hands on the desk to help me rid my frustration. Taking a deep breath I rested my head in my hands rubbing my temples. I had to keep calm; if I was to be a good leader my emotions couldn't rule me. After all I had no reason to act out.

Perhaps I should try to sleep again?

I had had so little lately. Lucilla had begun brewing tonics of varied ill tastes in vain to help me sleep. I would need my strength for tomorrow; I would be away from the palace.

A smile pulled at my lips, Lucilla is coming tomorrow. My heart lifted and my stomach churned in excitement. We no longer spent time in recreation. Now the only reason I saw her was for matters of State. I knew this was tiring her, every time she mentioned the senate her face grew taught; she never smiled like she used to. Not since…

I was making the empire better for her; soon we would have the strongest nation the world had ever seen! First however changes had to be made; starting with the senate. My stomach clenched as I thought of them mocking my every decision, they represented the people? If the people relied on them what was I needed for? I was there father, they looked to me for leadership, and I gave them the games. We shall soon see whom they love more. I smirked as a senate free empire filled my vision, I would then be able to concentrate on more important matters.

I looked forward to tomorrow. Me, Lucilla and Lucius together; my family.

I slept soundly for the rest of that night, my dreams untouched with darkness.

* * *

I walked around the large room trailed by two guards, weaving through the rich crowd. The men bow there heads while the women curtsy. Most were smiling due to the contagious atmosphere of excitement. I among them can't help but be involved in the anticipation.

I search the room looking for Lucilla, declining a goblet of wine from a servant who circled the room with trays. I had entered with her and Lucius but she had disappeared when Falco had wished to speak to me. The man was a useful ally in the senate but his timing was not convenient. I saw her at the far side of the room her back was towards me and she was in conversation with a man I did not recognise. Jealousy mixed with curiosity as I moved towards them. To my annoyance I was then interrupted by Gracchus whom had a small smirk playing at the corners of his lips.

"Caesar" he bowed.

"Gracchus" I nodded distractedly.

"May I congratulate Caesar on the decision of the games? The people have reacted positively, it seems it has distracted them from other matters" he smiled. I frowned focusing my attention on him fully. His words I could tell held a hidden meaning.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing, I trust that you have thought on the matter and its implication on the city. It seems those in the poorest areas and even those with plague are congratulating their Caesar on how he brings pleasure to his children" he raised his goblet to me and smiled turning away to speak to another member of the senate.

I smiled lightly at his comments swallowing my worries. After all, he knew little of what I had done to buy the people their amusements. Soon he would feel fear; loosing his arrogance when he becomes a member of the people not its speaker. I knew the loss of power would destroy him.

I turned back to where Lucilla had stood and found her easily still talking with the same man. The crowd separated for me as I passed.

"Lucilla!" I called.

The man's eyes opened wide at my presence, she seemed to notice this reaction and turned to face me. It wasn't her.

"Caesar" they both bowed.

"Forgive me, I thought you…" I turned away not bothering to finish. Where had she and Lucius got to? I spent the next hour talking among the senate and the court, only half aware of that my lips were moving in reply.

I began to grow irritated, not only by Lucilla's absence but with the continuous talk of the senators and there continuous opinions. My head was already brimming with the needs of Rome I did not need others telling me my faults. I longed for the games to begin so that I would be distracted from my duties.

A small laugh diverted me from my thoughts, I turned towards it. It was Lucius. He hurried through the crowd towards me. Lucilla followed him gradually a small look of happiness on her face as she watched him.

"Uncle"

"Where have you been Lucius?" I asked him joyfully embracing him.

"I went to see the gladiators. Have you heard of the Spaniard?" he asked me excitedly.

"No, I have not," I laughed lightly, looking at Lucilla carefully. "That does not seem like your mother to seek out the gladiators"

"No, she did not come with me"

"Oh?" I watched her moving closer; as she caught my eye she looked slightly troubled.

A servant interrupted us as Lucilla neared; telling me it was ready for me to be seated. I was glad; I didn't want to know where she had been. After all I trusted her, I told myself strongly. I did.

As I walked onto my private balcony I was distracted from Lucius' speech of the 'Spaniard' by my awed reaction to the coliseum. I had been here many times beyond count yet every time was as if my first. Its sheer size echoed around me. The noise was deafening, with the shouts and cheers. Thousands of voices all belonging to the minute bodies that merged into small beads of colour before my eyes. It was a compelling sight. I listened as the crowd chanted my name.

"Caesar, Caesar!"

I raised a hand in acknowledgment of my people. This was why I produced games for them, why I gave them what they wanted. They loved me.

My attention was finally brought to the small group of men in the gladiatorial field.

"We who are about to die salute you!" There voices carried despite the din of the crowd. One deep chant of men ready and willing to lay down there lives for me and the people. It was a pity there wasn't more men like that. My power over life and death was almost intoxicating. To know that I had the command as to the future of these few men was unimaginable. It was ironic how I had the supremacy to grant death, yet I hardly had the authority to decide what I had for breakfast.

I half listened to Cassius as he set the scene of the battle as I settled myself besides Lucilla, casting further looks at men below. Sitting comfortably I began paying attention, becoming enthralled by Cassius's voice along with the crowd. The man's powerful voice stretched the full might of the coliseum. Slowly the din died along with my worries of the senate, the empire and Lucilla.

"Warriors from all brute nations bent on merciless destruction… conquest"

I gazed at the crowds taking in the laughs, shouts of pleasure and excitement. My eyes fell to Lucilla who was sat elegantly on her seat, looking every inch an Empress. She stared intently on the small group of men as Lucius whispered information to her. She disliked the games but once present would hardly bare to look away.

"Your Emperor is pleased to give you the barbarian horde!"

The arena boomed with jeers and abuse as hundreds of thousands of arms and thumbs faced down; shouting the demise of the barbarians. A smile pulled at my lips, they all knew who would be slain; the battle was a famous one. Yet the people were caught up in the excitement of the drama wondering how Rome would defeat such a perilous enemy.

"…the Emperor is pleased to bring you the Legionnaires of Scipio Africanus!"

The crowd boomed in approval as the large wooden doors around the coliseum inner circle opened and chariots of golden warriors raced out. Immediately chaos ensued. The gladiators in the middle of the ring seemed unable to move as fear gripped them. Once the chariots had each circled the field, the men seemed to realise that doom was upon them. They all scattered in opposite directions in panic, allowing the chariot spearmen and archers to begin killing stranded gladiators. Seeing this they all raced to each other moving into a small huddle for protection.

I watched with an adrenaline fuelled entertainment. Feeling myself becoming caught up in the action along with every member of the audience, each death bringing a new wave of sounds though the crowd.

The small huddle of gladiators below slowly became indistinguishable as there shields came together hiding them from view as the chariots circled them each taking in turns to strike. It was odd watching them attempt to create a manoeuvre I recognised loosely as a battle formation. An image of an army of gladiators at my command in the battle against the barbarians of other worlds filled my mind for a moment causing a laugh to escape my lips. That would be a sight to see. I wondered if the gladiators below were really barbarians or Romans themselves. I would have to speak with Cassius about arranging more bouts using the barbaric race.

The uprising and destruction of a chariot as it flew through the air however pulled me from my thoughts and brought my excitement afresh. This certainly was not expected by the small band of 'barbarians'. It was becoming clear that these men were not going too be defeated easily. The reaction of the crowd clearly stated there surprise as well as my own. However they pondered shortly as there attention was distracted as another chariot archer fell.

The mayhem quickly ensued as a gladiator ran to the aid of his comrade throwing himself into him saving him from being crushed to death. Ironically the gladiator survived and the chariots blade killed another of the golden warriors. Despite the distance the red of the woman's blood flashed in the bright sunlight for all to see; a harsh colour against the white sand. Another chariot was uprooted in the action crashing into the side of the arena bursting through a main gate to disappear inside. The battle was suddenly taking a dramatic twist in its victors.

As another chariot fell against the wall I couldn't contain my excitement as to what would happen next and I ran to the wall to cast a look down. I was now directly above the action and could hear the shouts and orders of one gladiator in particular. It seemed all listened to his voice and within seconds the chariot was upright once more and baring the opposing side. The prospect of barbarians using Roman chariots caused a slight irritation to run through me but the anticipation of what would occur next was like a drug. Returning to my seat, the so called leader of the men stole the horse as the others followed his orders dragging the broken chariot away from the wall.

The rider was clearly skilled and easily caught a blade and began swinging it menacingly. I could hear Lucius talking to his mother animatedly clearly impressed by the gladiator. Lucilla however had little to say in reply. I laughed at her reaction knowing how exciting this battle was becoming to the small boy.

Soon however the swinging blade made contact with more then air, ripping through flesh and spraying blood. The crowd roared louder the sight of blood causing an animalistic cry for more to be spilt. Suddenly it didn't matter that the blood belong to the incorrect host and that it was clear the end of the battle was drawing near.

Now the barbarians could taste a victory which they had deemed impossible. They suddenly broke ranks and began killing anything in reach.

At last the final Roman African warrior was pulled from his chariot and brutally killed. The crowd cheered in admiration and congratulations, there cries mixing with those of the remaining gladiators.

At last my heart began to calm, the adrenaline of the fight beginning to ease. A servant announced the arrival of Cassius and I motioned him forward.

"Caesar" he bowed his eyes not meeting my own. I kept the smile which threatened to reach my lips hidden aware of his nervousness.

"A most exhilarating battle" I told him aware of my voice becoming lost in the shouts of the crowd.

He leant forward so as to be heard, "Yes Caesar, I hope it was to your liking". There was a slight pause as I glanced down at the gladiators as they interacted with each other below. I smiled slightly before swallowing it.

"My history is a little hazy Cassius… but shouldn't the barbarians lose the battle of Carthage?" I placed a confused look on my face enjoying the reaction I was causing.

"Uh, yes sire" he replied forcing a smile on his face, aware I knew the battle and wondering what fate awaited him for the gladiators clear rule breaking for not dying.

"Forgive me sire" he added.

"No" I laughed, "I rather enjoy surprises". As long as they were in my favour, I thought to myself.

I stared down at the gladiator who was still upon the horse he had stolen. "Who is he?" I asked vaguely aware I was applauding along with the crowd. It was clear they loved this champion, a man who had defeated their enemy despite all odds.

"They call him the Spaniard sire". I immediately recognised the name from Lucius. Suddenly the boy's words made sense in my mind; he certainly was a sight to behold.

"I think I'll meet him"

Cassius seemed surprised at my words but quickly agreed before leaving to make the arrangements for my request. I continued to applaud the man, aware he was looking up at me. Standing I smiled to Lucilla before leaving my box following a servant Cassius had left for me.

As I followed the young man through the dark passages, I ignored the stench and the shouts from those around me reminding myself I had nothing to fear. True the gladiator fought fiercely but I had met many men of his standards and I knew myself to be of superior. Thankfully the servant led me through a maze of corridors which were mainly empty, the thought of coming face to face with blooded men made me slightly nauseous. I often forgot that the arena was only a part of the life of a gladiator; if they lived they had to return with there injuries and prepare for another day.

At last I saw sunlight at the end of the tunnel, aware I was walking the stretch that many men had done before me. That the gladiators who had survived had also walked this path. What thoughts had been through there mind as they faced death?

Ignoring my quickened heartbeat I was greeted by a group of Praetorian guards who would be my only protection from the blood drunk men. I heard orders for weapons to be dropped as the leader Quintus stepped forward.

"After you sire" he motioned towards the gate. As I came into the sun light I found the gladiators were surrounded. The noise of the crowd rose to a new deafening sound as they responded to my entrance. I felt my heart and confidence grow, knowing they loved me.

As I moved forwards the gladiator known as the Spaniard slowly fell to his knees in respect bowing his head to his Emperor. I could not deny the feeling of power and love could have made me sing.

"Rise… rise" I ordered. Despite the pleasure it brought me seeing a man of such strength bow to me, it didn't seem correct that he should kneel.

My attention was distracted briefly as Lucius appeared from behind. I wondered if his mother realised he had gone from her sights. I brought my arm around him protectively, knowing Lucilla would understand that with me, no harm would ever come to him.

"Your fame is well deserved Spaniard" I told the gladiator, knowing he deserved praise however I also hoped my tone reminded him not to become too conceited with this victory.

I motioned to Lucius, quoting what he had told me on his thoughts of the man. I knew he would be pleased if I involved him in a conversation with the gladiator, one who had caught both his and my own attention. I wondered who the man was, if his name was his true birth place.

"You do have a name?" I pressed when the silent man did not answer.

"My name is Gladiator" he said plainly, his voice gruff. I felt myself shrink subconsciously at the sound of his voice. The sound of it sending chills down my spine. I felt as if he had suddenly stripped me of my clothing as he stood staring down at me; his eyes cold, barely visible through his helmet. He turned his back suddenly and stepped away.

My sudden anger over rode my insecurity at his arrogance to turn away from his Caesar. He maybe the champion of the battle but no man dared to treat me in such a manner of disrespect; a slave no less!

"How dare you turn your back to me? Slave!"

I ordered him to turn and remove his helmet. I needed to see his face before I had the pleasure of removing his head. "Tell me your name!" I demanded my voice ice cold. Rage crawled through my veins at his actions, as I became aware of the sudden silence of the coliseum.

It seemed all Rome stopped with an intake of breath as the Spaniard finally removed his helmet with care before turning around, so Caesar the ruler of all, could at last see his face.

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And so the second chapter is uploaded.

I didn't want to go into detail with the movie, but thought it was kinda necessary so hope that's alright. Reviews are always welcome I'm on a role now so will keep writing until it burns out  please let me know if I've missed any spelling or grammar errors I don't have a Beta. So if anyone's interested……..


	3. Beat

Chapter 3

Beat

My heart beating; a movement so wild it threatened to burst from my chest and leave me for dead. No matter my words, no matter the herbal remedy nothing could settle it. My body felt exhausted with its incessant pounding, never giving me peace.

Fear was a strange thing, how it affected the body with its iron grip … and the mind. It seemed my body was its chosen host, like a shadow never leaving my side. Always there, silently waiting as I fell into restless slumber, ever present as I awoke to its call.

As time wore on however frustration fought to champion fear. What had I to fear with his return? I was Emperor; he had nothing but his flesh, something I planned to remove him of. We would no longer stand as equals in the people's eyes, the scales would tip, Fate I knew would deem me more worthy.

Yet how had he survived? True, Fate had granted me my dreams of supremacy, the love of my people yet the man still lived. He had fought through battles, countless barbaric tribes, escaped the judgement of my army and now he proved unending in the arena. The man bled that was clear but was it possible for the body to bleed but still live on immortal? I considered myself a philosophical man at times, wise in history and the Gods but never had I pondered the concept of immortality more so then when I found Maximus alive and well that day. Even I had allowed him to live, the power to please my people overbearing my wish to cut out his heart. Perhaps immortality referred to more then the impossibility to fall to the sword or malady of the body. Perhaps it also meant that no man had the power over himself to kill the chosen being? Against Maximus all fighters seemed pitiful, the strongest man too slow, the sly to focused on scheming to halt his brute force. The power Maximus had over men and woman took over my thoughts, giving me no opportunity to concentrate on matters of state for any needed periods of time. The only question I sought an answer to was how to kill a man whose spirit was invincible and whose name could not be silenced?

My control was slipping despite my best efforts. Disloyalty was coming forth from the darkness and lies were said with the beauty of truth. As Emperor it was my duty to weed out the wrong, to end the malice of others; to correct the false deification of worthless men whose presence seemed to infect even those closest to me. I knew Maximus's return had stirred emotions in my sister that despite my curiosity I did not wish to learn. They had held each other in high regard and I knew despite her denial she had loved him once and he her. I hated them for it but it became clear it was meaningless; a fantasy that had sprung and passed quickly like the seasons, leaving memories that had once been warm but now turned cold to remember. Lucilla seemed as surprised as me at his return and despite her past aided me in dealing with the betrayal I had felt. Her words of judgement sealing the fate of those that had lied to me that night in Germania.

Her draw to him was inevitable however and I did not blame her. After all, my father could not deny the man, loving him as a son. He had been Maximus, my brother. In his frail mind Maximus and I had been equal. The betrayal of my father and his selfish plans bring only sad memories to my mind now, his weak exhausted mental state so pitiful. Why he had not come to me to discuss such vital dreams of our state, me who was most knowledgeable in such things, his true son and heir. Rome's heir. It was clear my father was failing towards his end, before I brought him the peaceful comfort of rest. He was after all my father.

My father takes up little of my thoughts now, no longer are there endless snide comments made by the faceless in the crowd reminding me of the man. His name now replaced ironically by the man he wished to succeed him in ruling. When his name was uttered, no matter when spoken like a whisper in the breeze, my heart would pound like the drums on the battle field; such unceasing force that disrupted sleep, when I ate and rejoiced in seeing my family. The fear soon turned from my fathers name to the dread of hearing the utterance of Maximus.

No, I had reached my full of such feelings and anxiety. I had to focus my fear, take back the control, attempt to understand what drove it. I was generous enough to be able to admit that Maximus held a power over me, the power to steal my every waking moment, causing a horrific transformation in my emotions.

True Maximus had a power all his own, whether the Demons favoured him or no I would prove that I was foe to be challenged with. I found his spies, his weaknesses and I had taken them proving that without his minions he was alone. His poisonous character polluting even into the ranks of the council but then old men are always easily corruptible. And so with the aid of Falco I once again stole his allies from him. He may believe himself to be immortal but like his family his friends were of living blood. He would learn that if he would not surrender, all those he held dear would suffer with him once again. Other men may see me as cruel but those whom aided Maximus were traitors to me and therefore a threat to Rome herself. I would kill any man whom threatened her and all I had done to make her stronger.

Walking under the gradually cooling sun I agitatedly tried to keep my mind busy and away from such thoughts. Moving helped ease the time until I once again saw Maximus in the arena the following day. My mind again grew dark. Who else could defeat him; was there in fact a gladiator willing to try to win his freedom through Maximus? Were the slavers even willing to risk sending one of there own men? A nice image of Maximus alone in the arena surrounded by a hundred lions, his own hands the only protection from the beasts came to mind. I couldn't deny the smile and chuckle that escaped my lips at the sound of screaming filling my ears, the roars of the lions mixed with the crowds cheers for my victory and for delivering such a display.

The sound of shouting and sharp bangs awoke me from my dreaming and as I turned the corner cautiously I found Lucius happily at play with a servant. It was a warm sight to my troubled heart that despite all the pain that I was suffering my dearest nephew was untroubled. A warm sight to me indeed until those words left his sweet innocent lips. My heart froze, cracking as if broken and now unable to work. In that moment I missed the beating, it had meant I was alive. Now I felt dead. Even Lucius loved Maximus the corrupted boy believing that the Spanish peasant would save Rome from danger. The kingdom did not need saving! No, if it was failing at all it was because of the weak selfish willed men like Maximus and Gracchus. No, Rome did not need to be changed. I had feared and attempted to uphold my will to support Rome but I realised despite my efforts I had neglected my family, those closest to me.

I took Lucius by the hand, a loving smile on my face as I took him inside. I would save Lucius from the darkness of others and if I could not then there was only one person to blame. One beautiful person.

My heart began to beat again when I saw her, furious at first until it slowly stilled. As she came before me and heard my short telling of the fate of Claudius to Lucius I knew she saw my knowledge hidden in my words. It was then my heart began to settle, calmed by the fresh wonderful knowledge that Lucilla's heartbeat was increasing. Finally fear had transferred itself from me to another. I was relieved but now I craved the time of lonely fear and despair to the betrayal and anger I now felt. I could still face the world even if the God's themselves turned from me as long as she was there.

Lucius moved slightly in my lap, his own heartbeat quickening as he saw his mothers tears unsure why she was acting so. He had told her it was just a story there was no need for her to shed tears she was lucky her family loved and adored her. No her fate would never end as a betrayer. After all I had the power to protect her._ I_ had the power.

My heart was steady now, I had taken back my control and I would fight Maximus tomorrow for Lucilla, for Lucius and for Rome. I had finally realised that was why Maximus had failed to die, the God's had chosen me for the task. Only I had the power to shape the mans destiny.

I pitted Lucilla that night; I did not envy the pain that moved in her chest ready to destroy her, if she failed to make the right choice.

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A.N. Blimey its been a while hasn't it. There's only one chapter left and I've written the ending already so fingers crossed i'll have it up soon. Thank you sooo much for all the new fav's and reads, words cannot describe how much it means to me knowing people like my writing :D Reviews always make me happy and can help me to keep on track as I know its been a while since i've had the time and energy to work on this. Let me know what you guys all think! :D


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